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when i was as old as my daughter is now, my parents were not happy with my behaviour. i argued with them, ignored their orders and didn’t appreciate their care. now i see how wrong i was; they wished me only good. now i have a teenage daughter myself. i think that the main thing with teenagers is not to overcontrol their lives and not to take care of them too much. it sounds strange, doesn’t it? but i mean that parents shouldn’t check if their children’s schoolbags have been packed or their school uniforms are clean and tidy. i never tell my daughter sarah that she shouldn’t drop her school blazer in the corridor and or that she should go to bed on time. i accept that she can plan her day and can keep her school uniform wherever she likes: on the floor or under the bed or in her own schoolbag. but she should look tidy at school and shouldn’t make a fuss in the morning if she is late and her dress doesn’t look right.
i don’t support the idea of prohibiting something without a good reason.
last month sarah declared that she was grown up enough to arrange home parties for her friends. i didn’t object to it but explained to sarah that her responsibility was not only to make up the list of the guests but to manage the whole event: to arrange the time that fits the plans of the family, to think about snacks and drinks beforehand, to make up a scenario for the party and to find time to tidy up the flat before and after the party. i asked her to make up a kind of a business plan for the event and if everything was ok, there was really no reason to prohibit it, was there?
sarah put off the party several times. she did it, not because i didn’t let her invite the friends, but because she, herself, couldn’t prepare everything on time. she acted like a grown-up, not a naughty demanding child.
i’m sure that my tactic works with my daughter. she understands now why i don’t allow her certain things. she sees the reason behind it instead of as a parent’s wish to treat her as a child. she often asks for my advice and appreciates it when i give it to her. in her turn, she tries to support me in difficult situations. she understands that it’s not easy to be adult and independent and to manage life as best you can.

Evgenevgenevgen    2   22.10.2019 08:51    1